Turning Bias Into A Superpower (And Other Millennial Lessons)

It’s my birthday month so this week I’ll be sharing some of my favourite elder millennial lessons from this latest spin around the sun. 

Coincidentally I’m at my parents for a couple of weeks as I haven’t seen them since the pandemic started. There’s something so soothing about not having to be a grown up for a few days, feels like a much needed break from reality. My friend referred to the being home bliss as “full fridge vibes” and I’m 1000 here for it.  

But first, I'm back & I’m chuffed to bits! I missed chatting to you all each week but on the plus side, it’s been quite the month. I had a birthday, I launched a brand new podcast about tech culture and science with one of my best chums Jeeves, my office reopened up so life as I’ve known it for the last 2 years has now flipped upside down, and most importantly I FINALLY launched this website! I get soooo many messages from listeners who listen to the Lumes & Me Podcast and message me for help and now there’s a formal way for me to help! Head to the "Coaching" tabbook a session. Shout out to my incredibly talented designer friend Tom who designed t site and made it the beautiful corner of the internet it is. 

In honour of my birthday month I hope you’ll indulge some introspection on my part this week in exchange for a mixture of ideas, some you’ll already know but perhaps one or two you haven’t thought about in a while. You definitely don’t need a new year to set intentions…I mean, it helps for perfectionist brains because we love a nice clean fresh start to any idea or project. The elder millennial was I gift from comic Iliza Shlesinger label is one I’m quite fond of. Some prefer “aunty”, personally I answer to both.

Even though I was born on just one specific day, I’ve always enjoyed vast celebrations that stretch long into the days before and the days that come after that magical day. Before the pandemic, I would gather my random collection of chums and settle in for day drinks somewhere chill and delicious. As a side note, if we could all just agree to adopt a global communal policy of early starts and early finishes for all manner of shenanigans, I genuinely believe the world would genuinely be a more manageable place. But I digress.

One of my favourite people reminded me about my birthday tiara which I insisted on wearing for most of my birthday celebrations throughout my 20s. Yes, I had a birthday tiara which I would wear on every birthday as a physical external manifestation of me putting myself first.  I no longer wear a tiara on the outside on special occasions. Instead I wear a much more modest one on the inside almost every day. Sustainable growth with a focus on the journey itself. That’s what I want for myself and what I hope for for all of you. 

So as an elder millennial, what wisdom have I picked up recently that I impart on the world? 

Self awareness

There’s a difference between thinking we’re self aware and actually being self aware. I haven’t figured out what that difference is yet or if it even matters. I suspect real self awareness is the unsexy bit that happens even when no one is looking. My question for you all is do people have to agree that you’re self aware for you to actually be self aware? And does knowing you’re self aware affect your ability to show up authentically? Let me know what you think!

Investing wisely (time, energy, money)

In the last 12 months, I’ve been veeerrryyy intentional about where and how I invest all 3 of these sources of energy. In my “How To Talk To Single Women” episode, I talked about how “should” was losing its power in my mind. Deciding to no longer let any “should” hold you hostage in mind states that don’t serve you. What are you doing because you think you “should”? What if you got to decide the rules of that “should” instead? What would that look like if you followed the thought through? I should do x because if I don’t then what? ‍

Use Confirmation bias to your advantage

I learned just how much human brains love patterns and lean heavily on them to help us make quicker decisions, mostly to save energy. Confirmation bias is one way in which this process manifests. Your brain will only register the evidence of things it already believes. If you think you’re unattractive, your brain will only focus on the people who don’t find you attractive as evidence proving this right instead of noticing all the people you yourself have rejected. If you think you’re not smart enough to be in the same room as your colleagues, your brain will only find evidence of all the things you don’t know instead of all the things you do. Instead of burning energy trying to counteract this natural brain process, why not turn this into something that works to your advantage? Choose to think that you belong and eventually your mind will look for opportunities and places to prove this true.  Choose to think that you’re attractive and your mind will start to give more weight to situations that back this up. 

I talk about this in my Power of Self Talk episode which is a great starting point for unpacking this topic but if you need more help, bookmark lumes.me/coaching or click on the "Coaching" tab above and I can definitely help!